


A Grave Affair

by millionwrites



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Dancing, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 17:23:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11407047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millionwrites/pseuds/millionwrites
Summary: He'll take this one to his grave.





	A Grave Affair

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Please use this playlist to listen along as the music is mentioned :D  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/1274281274/playlist/3PMx0AuEqWlR5Qj9cSl7cb

“Well, that was useless,” said Skulduggery, his gloved hands already finding the steering wheel as he slid into the driver’s seat. 

They were a few hours out of Dublin, following up a supposed lead on a case they were working, something about a group of goblins on a warpath. Their lead however, had been less than useful, and they now found themselves in the middle of nowhere, the sun already starting to dip, and the bite of still cool spring air settling around them along with the dusk.

“I do believe that lead defeated the very meaning of his title - he didn't lead us  _ anywhere _ ,” he continued, as Valkyrie slid into her own seat, shivering against the feeling of cool leather against her back where her jacket rode up. Rain began to fall softly outside, and Skulduggery opened his jaw as if to continue but didn't speak, then promptly closed it again. 

“What is it?” She prompted. It wasn't like Skulduggery to miss an opportunity to talk, especially with her. He turned to her, the fading light shining dully on his skull. 

“You remember how you asked if I had any other secrets I felt like sharing?” He asked, his voice level, even, not betraying any emotion.

“I do,” she replied cautiously. “You don't have another evil ex girlfriend lurking around this town somewhere do you?” Skulduggery scoffed. 

“I have many evil exes, but none we need concern ourselves with. Said secret  _ is _ lurking around this town however. It’s just over that hill actually,” he said, gesturing towards the densely wooded slope across the road from where they were parked. Valkyrie regarded him carefully. 

“I get the feeling any secret you would willingly tell me is one not worth knowing.” 

Skulduggery snorted, apparently agreeing with her, but his hand went to the door handle anyway. 

“Come on, it'll only take us five minutes. Aren't you the least bit curious?” He asked. Valkyrie sighed, shifting in her seat, then begrudgingly reached for her own handle. Skulduggery tilted his head happily, and practically bounded out of the Bentley. 

“Just so you know,” she said, after slamming the door and hugging herself for warmth, trying to ignore the light rain - “It’s not the secret that intrigues me at this point, rather your insistence on exposing it.” He barked a laugh, gestured for her to step closer, and she leaned into him, her arm encircling his waist in time with his own. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said lightly as they left the ground. They continued their ascent until they were above the trees, only barely, not wanting to alert any of the mortals from the village. Valkyrie’s toes brushed the tops of pines and oaks, secure in Skulduggery’s arms. All too soon they were sinking - descending into the underbrush, apparently having reached their destination. 

“It should be nearby - though it's been a while since I last visited, so it may be a little difficult to find,” murmured Skulduggery, hunkering down to get a better look through the thick branches that surrounded them. 

“What are we looking for?” Asked Valkyrie, joining him. Skulduggery didn't answer, just stood and strode off, apparently well oriented enough to be confident of his surroundings. Valkyrie sighed, following him. He walked quickly, Valkyrie losing sight of him almost immediately. She shivered, and used her magic to light up her palm to combat the encroaching darkness. 

“Skulduggery!” She called, and upon receiving no answer, cursed the skeleton and tramped noisily over fallen logs and drying leaves, hoping that if she weren't going in Skulduggery’s direction that at least the Bentley would be ahead. The boughs above broke up most of the rain, but the forest was still miserable compared to the warm leather interior she knew so well. 

In that moment she reached a clearing - starkly different from the rest of the forest, still catching some of the idling light. At the opposite end she spotted Skulduggery, and walked over with the intention of chewing him out - only stopping herself when she realised what it was he stood before. 

It was a grave. 

She went to his side silently. Skulduggery too remained silent, taking in the sight before him. The grave was old - extremely so, and in bad shape. It looked as if nobody has visited it for decades - moss covered an entire side, and the letters were faint, unreadable - almost completely worn away by the elements. The crest which graced the top of the headstone was faded, muddled, and grass grew thickly around its base. 

Skulduggery was completely still. 

Valkyrie was loath to break the silence, she really was, but something told her that if she didn't speak, Skulduggery would happily stand here silently all night. 

“Whose is it?” She asked tentatively. There were many options - Skulduggery had been alive for a long time - but some were far worse than the others. She didn't know what she'd say if it were a friend, parents, siblings - worst of all his wife and child. This wasn't at all what she'd had in mind when he'd mentioned a secret in the woods. 

Skulduggery, however, seemed oblivious to Valkyrie’s caution. 

“It's mine,” he said brightly, almost sounding proud as he turned to her. Valkyrie’s face, a mask of confusion and horror, contradicted the laugh that escaped her. 

“Seriously? I thought you were thrown in a river, not buried?”

Skulduggery nodded. “This is true - but when the news of my death reached friendly ears people mourned - shocking, I know - and in the absence of a body they erected a gravestone for me, a monument to my amazing life. It wasn't so unusual - lots of soldiers never came home - and I was a General of all things. A grave was a necessity, apparently.” He trailed off, looking at Valkyrie. Her eyes hadn't left the stone since he'd told her it was his. 

“I think this is the first time I've really realised just how dead you are,” she admitted quietly. He scoffed derisively, shaking his head. 

“How morbid,” he said. 

“Says the living skeleton who just showed me his grave!” She shot back. He tutted. 

“And there you go again. I won't have that sort of attitude at my graveside, not on my watch.” He turned, offering her his hand. “Come on then, shall we?” 

Valkyrie looked down at his outstretched hand with raised eyebrows. 

“Shall we what?” She asked dubiously. Skulduggery’s hand remained firmly open. 

“Shall we dance? It's not everyday you get to dance on somebody’s grave - and it's even less often you get to dance with the would-be occupant them self!” 

Valkyrie stepped back, horrified. 

“What the hell Skulduggery! Why would you even suggest that?” 

“Oh come on, I've always wanted to, and it'd just be sad if I did it alone.” 

“I am not dancing on your grave,” she said firmly. Skulduggery vehemently ignored her, seizing up her hands with his own and dragging her towards the headstone. 

“I won't tell anyone - besides, it's not like there's a corpse in it - I'm out here with you!” 

“Ugh, gross, don't put it like that!” She said, attempting to free her hands from his hold. He released her and she took a step back. 

“Did we actually have a case here? Or did you just want to come and be a creep in the forest?” She asked, unsure if she wanted an answer. 

“Happy coincidence, I'm afraid.” He replied, the earlier humour present in his voice now dissipating. He sat down, glumly slouching against the headstone. Against her better judgement, Valkyrie joined him. 

They were silent for a long moment, the only sound the insects in the leaf litter and the quiet breeze overhead. 

“What you've been saying about feeling dead, I wanted to show you it wasn't true. That you're positively and absolutely effervescent with life.” He looked at her through the darkness, the sun now having completely sunk beneath the horizon. “It's a bit hamfisted now that I think about it.” 

Valkyrie swallowed a laugh. 

“Just a little.”

Resting her head against his shoulder, and dragging her palm against her forehead, she relented. 

“Ah, what the hell,” she stood, and this time it was she who offered her hand. “Let’s dance, dead man.” She said, a grin creeping onto her face. Skulduggery took her hand, his head tilted at an angle she knew to mean smugness, and surged forwards, taking her waist with his free hand and almost bowling her over as he stood. 

“Now then,” he said over her laughter, securing his hold on her. 

“What are we dancing to?” She asked expectantly. If Skulduggery had been wearing his facade, it would surely have been frowning. 

“A funeral march? I didn't really think so far ahead as to plan music…” he trailed off, releasing Valkyrie’s hand to dig through his pocket in search of his phone. The hand on her waist remained.  

“Why do you even have music on your phone?” She asked, as he searched. “You don't have ears for earphones, and you still haven't got Bluetooth in the Bentley.” 

“The lack of Bluetooth in the Bentley is due to your poor music choices more than anything else,” he replied smoothly. 

“What's that supposed to mean?” Valkyrie demanded. 

“It means I don't trust you with song selection - plus my cassette collection is quite impressive, there's no need to Bluetooth.” 

“Good God you're old…”

“Indeed,” he said, finally settling on a song. He set the phone on top of the headstone as the first notes played, tinny though the phone’s speakers, but the forest was quiet enough that it didn't matter. 

It took Valkyrie a moment, but she eventually recognised the tune. It was ‘In My Life’, by the Beatles. Her dad used to listen to them when she was little, singing along badly. 

Skulduggery was doing a lot better, in her humble opinion, singing low in her ear as they swayed. It wasn't really a song for dancing - and she wondered why he'd chosen it, then blushed as she listened to the lyrics. 

_ “All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living - in my life, I’ve loved them all _ ,” he pulled her closer as the singing paused, the sound of soft guitar filling the air. 

“ _ But of all these friends and lovers - there is no one, compares with you _ ,” sang Skulduggery, his voice so low it was barely audible. Valkyrie bit her lower lip, glad Skulduggery couldn't see her face. 

“ _ And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.” _

“Did you ever see the Beatles?” She asked softly, over the piano solo. 

“Yes actually,” he realised. “They were great - I met Ringo - saved him from a succubus.” Valkyrie laughed, holding him closer, and he sang softly once more. 

“ _ In my life, I love you more.”   _

The song ended, fading into something she didn't recognise, quiet and slow. She didn't care, frankly. They pulled apart, Skulduggery's hands still resting on Valkyrie’s waist, Valkyrie’s at Skulduggery's shoulders, playing with his lapels. 

“Nice song choice,” she said, breathless for a reason she couldn't place. 

“It felt right,” he replied - sounding equally breathless, which was strange for someone who didn't have breath to take. 

They stared at each other for a long moment, motionless. Valkyrie spoke. 

“I think you're alive too, you know.” 

“We’re standing on my literal grave,” he said, voice low. “My heart ceased its beating centuries ago. It burned along with the rest of me.” 

“If not alive, certainly living. I don't think it's a heart that makes you live,” she replied. 

“What does then?” He asked. 

“You’re still here - your consciousness - your feelings, your thoughts, everything that makes you  _ you _ \- that's all still here.” 

“And why do you think that? What is it about feelings that make me alive when I lack everything else?”

Valkyrie paused - knowing what she wanted to do, yet unsure if she had the nerve. The moment stretched out, their dancing long forgotten, and something like panic struck her. Before she could think, she leaned forwards, up on her toes to account for the few inches he had on her, and pressed her lips against his teeth, eyes closing as she did so. 

For a second Skulduggery froze, and Valkyrie screwed her eyes closed tighter, a rush of shame and embarrassment washing over her. She was about to pull back when Skulduggery finally reacted - one of his hands sliding up her back, the other pulling her even closer to him, tilting his head into the kiss. 

She finally caught the song: ‘And I Love Her’. She smiled into the kiss - how appropriate.  

They pulled back, but still held each other close - forehead to skull - Valkyrie panting lightly while she stared into Skulduggery’s eye sockets. 

“And how did that make you feel?” She asked. 

Skulduggery didn't answer for a moment, then threw his head back with a soft laugh.

“Alive,” he said simply. He kissed her again, deeply, leaning her back in his arms. His teeth were cold, and the rain still fell, but Valkyrie didn’t mind. He pulled back as the song faded out - ‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’ replacing it. He tilted his head, pulled her up and started swaying in time. 

Valkyrie laughed, letting him spin her, laughing more when he started to sing again.  

_ “Yeah you've - got that something - I think you’ll understand. When I feel that something, I wanna hold your hand.”  _

The dance was lively this time - upbeat and fast paced like the music. For a few moments, Valkyrie forgot she was in a rainy forest in the pitch black, freezing her ass off and dancing on a grave. Or rather, she did remember, but she didn't mind. 

For now she was content to dance in the dark with Skulduggery - most decidedly alive. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed ! I'm working on a prequel to my other valduggery story Velvet, so keep an eye out ;)


End file.
